The Heart Can Only Take So Much
by Avoline Malfoy
Summary: "There is not one puff of air in her lungs. Not a single spark of life left in her." My take on what would have happened after the ice cave incident if Killian and David had been just a few minutes too late. Rated M for language, this is my first Captain Swan. Hell, it's my first Once fic. Please be nice.


_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

* * *

><p><em>And I've been struck by the Once Upon a Time bug! I'm in DEEEEEEEP too! Already wrote two stories, just now publishing them.<em>

_As is the norm with me, I will start off by tearing your hearts out._

_So, who's ready for some Captain Swan tragedy?_

_Sit back and enjoy!_

_Love always,_

_Avoline_

* * *

><p>"Emma!"<p>

Killian reached through the hole Elsa had made and gripped Emma's jacket. Fuck, it was cold, but he thought nothing of it. He was pulling her out of an ice cave, after all.

That didn't explain why her face felt like a block of ice.

"Emma," he whispered, his heart pounding against his ribs. She wasn't moving, wasn't even breathing. Her skin was blue, and he couldn't bend her arms without fear of breaking them. "Emma, wake up, love."

He gently shook her shoulder. But she never responded. He pushed her hair out of her face as best he could, his fear stronger than ever.

"Emma," he pleaded. "Please, for the love of all things precious, wake up."

"I'll call Gold," David stated, working the odd object in his hand frantically. "Surely he has a way to wake her up."

"Already here," a voice called. The pirate glanced up to see the Scotsman making his way gently up the ice. "The change in temperature told me something was wrong, as well as the broken lock on my shop door."

"Sorry," Elsa squeaked.

"We'll talk about that later, dearie," he answered, kneeling as best he could next to Emma.

"You can save her, right," Killian inquired softly. Brown eyes met blue, and Jones knew he had stunned the Dark One by asking his help. Right now, the past didn't matter. Nothing mattered except the unresponsive blond in his arms. If Rumpelstiltskin was the only one who could and would help her, then so fucking be it.

He couldn't loose her.

"I can try," was the pawnbrokers answer as his hand hovered over her body. "But not for you. My grandson needs his mother." The raven-haired man nodded, mentally reminding himself to breath.

In, out...

In, out...

Seconds turned into minutes; minutes felt like hours. Yet the deal maker's face remained stoic. Killian's pulse raced the longer the silence drew, his eyes burning with unshed tears.

Finally, Fold closed his eyes and sighed, and the pirate was already dreading what was to come.

"I'm sorry, Jones," the Scottish man murmured.

Killian felt the air leave his lungs faster than he could blink. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't loose Emma. She was his everything.

"There's gotta be something," he forced out, a stray tear racing down his face.

"For once, I agree with the pirate."

He forgot all about Emma's father being there.

"I'm sorry, Charming, but there's nothing," the sandy headed man countered, sorry in his eyes as well. "There is not one puff of air in her lungs. Not a single spark of life left." Hook buried his face into her neck, but it did not stop him from hearing Gold's next statement. "She's too far gone."

The world around him fell away, narrowing to just the pirate and his princess. He felt heart splintering, like ships that have run aground. He couldn't even form a coherent thought amidst his worst nightmare come to life all over again.

_Henry..._

Oh, gods, how could he have forgotten? The lad was now an orphan, and Killian berated himself for letting it happen.

_If I had gotten here sooner..._

_If I had ignored David and chipped through myself..._

_If I had come with her..._

_If I had only told her how I felt..._

_It should be me, not her..._

* * *

><p>Killian stood next to the water, staring at the wide open horizon. Once the initial sorrow and guilt past, he found himself in that familiar numbness. This time, he was sure that there was no putting himself back together. A heart can only take so much, and his had taken too much now.<p>

Loosing Liam and left a crack. Easy to mend, but still painful. Would it have hurt less if he had just staid away? Would he have been able to save his brother if he had just asked that damned Peter Pan all the facts? Or maybe he should have grabbed that thorn and showed Liam that it was poison.

Loosing Milah had broken him. His heart was barely holding it together after that, but gods did it _hurt._ She was his first true love. And he would have given anything to save her.

But this? This shattered him. This pushed his heart to a place where it couldn't be mended again. No amount of love or revenge could piece him together.

Revenge. After Milah, he was so focused on revenge. But he couldn't be mad at the young queen. She was scared, and had no control over her emotions or powers. She was just as scared, _just_ as hurt as he was.

His eyes glanced at the water. Maybe he could still see Emma again. What better way for a pirate to go out than by water?

_What about Henry?_

A lump formed in his throat. His eyes burned with tears. He couldn't leave the lad just yet. He wasn't sure where his place in the boy's life was yet, but he would not leave until he knew that Henry would be okay. Maybe he could find the _Rodger_ again and teach Henry to sail her. Maybe he could act as surrogate father and best friend to the teenager.

Or maybe he would just make things worse.

"Killian," a small voice called. He turned to see the spitting image of Baelfire. The boy's eyes were puffy, and his voice was hoarse. His gaze was still lined with tears, and Killian could see his hands trembling. "Is it true? Is mom dead?"

The pirate's heart shattered all over again. The boy just needed to make sure. He knew the Irishman wouldn't use his mother's life as a joke. He sought him out to find the truth.

Of all the people in Storybrook, the son of Baelfire and Emma turned to the pirate who knew them best.

"I'm sorry, Henry," the older man croaked. He saw the tears start to fall, and hated himself for confirming the boy's worst fear. "I'm sorry, Henry, I'm so sorry. I tried to save her; I truly did. Rumpelstiltskin tried. But there was nothing we could do." Henry lurched towards him and flung his arms around him, and the pirate held him as closely as he could.

Killian couldn't leave. Whether Regina liked it or not, the lad needed him. No one knew Emma or Bae quite like he did, and right now, Henry needed that. He needed someone who could tell him how loyal his father was to family, or how headstrong his mother could be when she cared about someone. He needed a distraction from his grief, and he needed someone to share his grief with. He needed someone to show him how to be everything necessary to be a leader, and someone to be his friend.

Emma wouldn't mind waiting another few years. She could rest in peace, with Baelfire by her side, knowing that her son was just fine.

And Killian could heal himself and Henry.


End file.
